I Walk Alone
by bloodmagik
Summary: Dean has been just been dragged to hell and Sam is truly alone for the first time in his life. Set to Greenday's Boulevard of Broken Dreams and between 3x16 and 4x01 but before Sam hooks up with Ruby.


I was downloading some fresh music from iTunes and I stumbled across American Idiot, the musical and 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'. To start with, I was picturing Dean on the journey to Lisa's after Sam went to hell, but then I thought about it and Dean has been alone before (Sam leaving for college and his dad disappearing) and while he was devastated at losing his brother, being left for the second time didn't really have the impact I was hoping for.

So, I changed my plan slightly and decided to inflict the angst on Sam, and set this between 'No rest for the wicked' (3x16) and Sam hooking up with Ruby (before 4x01).

I would suggest listening to 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' (the original Broadway cast recording). A snippet is available on iTunes for free. I chose this version because the arrangement is beautifully haunting in parts and more emotive than the original with the addition of the strings and the other vocalists.

Anyhoo, that's enough waffling for now. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

He's not sure why, but he'd always believed, somehow, that they would have found a way to break the deal.

He truly believed, even as the hellhounds were bearing down on them and as he gathered his brother in his arms, sobbing and pleading for him to stay as his soul was ripped from his body and the light in his eyes dimmed beyond revival.

Burying Dean is surreal; it's like he's watching himself through a fish bowl, the picture distorted around the edges as his shovel meets earth and the roar of the rain drowns out the beating of his heart.

It's not until the grave is filled and he's carefully, tenderly, placing the simple wooden cross headstone that he realizes. For the first time in his life, he's alone.

* * *

I_ walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. I don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone._

_I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams where the city sleeps and I'm the only one, and I walk alone. _

_I walk alone, I walk alone. _

* * *

The Impala is the constant in their ever-changing world.

He feels like imposter as he guides her over the silky tarmac of I30, the lingering scent of Obsession molding around him and trapping him in memories of hours and days, _years_, spent in the confines of the bench seat, his brother to his left. But now Dean is dead, isn't here to bitch about the music ('_Never mind house rules, Sammy. This time shotgun picks the music, driver shuts his cake hole,'_) or threaten to end him for not looking after his 'baby' ('_You better take care of that car or I swear I'll haunt your ass.'_).

One of Dean's cassettes is in the deck and the normally headache-inducing sound of Greenday playing at ear-splitting level is strangely comforting until he reaches across to adjust the volume.

When the sound of Dean objecting doesn't come, he pulls onto the hard shoulder and cries as the lyrics echo the breaking of his heart.

* * *

___Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me. 'Till then, I walk alone._

* * *

He left when he died at Cold Oak and Dean brought him back. He can remember the feel of Dean's hands on his shirt collar, his face, and the sound of Dean's voice in his ear as he slipped away in the familiar comfort of his brother's arms.

Now Dean's gone too and it actually feels like a part of him is missing. It's nothing like when he left to go to college and he wonders if Dean felt the same in the wake of Cold Oak, even though the answer is obvious. It's kind of poetic in a sad, messed-up way; they're parallels, mirror images. Y_in_ and Y_ang_.

Except the _Yin_ to his _Yang_ is dead and he has no idea what to do.

* * *

I must have watched the death scenes from AHBL and NRFTW about 100 times to get this right. I find it quite hard to write Sam so hopefully it's not too OOC.

On a side note, Jensen Ackles never fails to make me bubble during AHBL. *embarrassed smile* What can I say? I'm a deangirl at heart. *shrugs*


End file.
